A Reminder of My Blackness

Two years ago, in my Politics of Difference class, Dr. Nooshin Valizadeh (Dr. V) asked us to write a reflection paper on our personal experiences encountering instances of power, privilege, or oppression. I thought about how, after 19 years of receiving an education, this was the first time an educator had acknowledged these experiences before. It was a difficult assignment for me to start, not because I didn't have any personal instances to write about, but because I had too many oppressed moments to choose from.

I was six years old when I asked my parents why our White nextdoor neighbors had Black dolls with strings around their necks hanging from their window, strategically facing our home. It was at that moment that I learned they were not decorations, but a reminder that no matter how equal society portrayed Black people to be, we were always to remember our inferiority.

I was a junior in my predominately White all-girls private high school when I received the incredible news that I was selected to be a mentor in the distinguished Peer Leadership program for freshmen. I had admired these peer leaders since my freshman year, so earning this role was one of my proudest accomplishments. I remember feeling honored to defeated in an instant when I learned that many of my classmates thought I was only selected because I fulfilled the 'diversity quota’. It was a reminder that no matter how deserving I may be, there will always be an assumption I didn’t get to where I am on my own merits.  

I was a senior in high school when my parents and I met with my White guidance counselor to review my top list of colleges I planned to apply to. I was an A student with a resume filled with athletic accomplishments, leadership, and volunteer experience, so I was confident that my counselor would find my list of schools to be a perfect fit for me. Instead, she said that the universities I was interested in were a 'reach' and asked to see my list of safety schools. Despite that meeting, my 'reach' acceptance letters came in. Yet, it was a reminder that no matter how hard I worked to prove myself, someone would always view me as not qualified or capable enough.

Today, I am constantly asked the same burdening questions about my appearance.

“What are you?”

“Are you mixed?”

“Is that your real hair?”

“Can I touch it?”

My response has always been the same.

“I’m Black.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“NO.”

Still, my answers always come with follow-up questions: “But where are you from?" “But how does your hair feel so nice when it’s straight?”, followed by more ‘buts’. It’s a reminder that the idea of my melanin, hair texture and ethnic background being 100% Black is incomprehensible and will never fully satisfy as being true.

Racial inequality has been a centerpiece for crucial moments throughout my life, and as a Black woman trying to navigate how to deal with it has been exhausting. The microaggressions and biases I’ve experienced, implicit, or not have left me with invisible scars. I’ve always felt my Blackness, but I haven’t always been proud of it. I wasn’t proud because my White counterparts have made me question why I should be by consistently associating my Blackness with negative connotations.  

I used to have the mindset that not much can be done to dismantle racism and its direct attack on the Black community, but I've come to understand that I have the power to be a real change agent. The racial prejudice I’ve experienced has only reaffirmed my purpose of elevating myself and uplifting all Black people. As a higher education professional who is working to increase access and visibility for Black women who aspire to advance in higher education, I know I have the platform to make a difference.

Everything that I've gone through in my life has empowered me to grow into the PROUD Black woman I am today. It has allowed me to recognize that my Blackness is a reminder …

My life matters.

My Black is beautiful.

My voice, platform, and experiences have power.

I have so much untapped potential inside of me and am capable of greatness.

No matter how hard they try to keep me down, I will continue to rise.

I should never have to justify why being Black is magic.

Affirm | Align | Acquire